Here is the fourth chapter of John Alexandra's forthcoming book:
If
reality is really within us, it must be cleverly hidden.
It is.
And if we wish to 'look in' or 'know ourselves' and find it, we
first need to be here.
So, are we?
We believe we are always the same. After all, we have the same name
and body. We are educated people aren't we, with rounded personalities and
distinct interests, inclinations, opinions...?
No.
David Hume put it clearly: 'For
my part, when I enter most intimately into what I call myself I always
stumble on some perception or other of heat or cold, light or shade, love or
hatred, pain or pleasure. I never catch myself at any time without a perception.'
He said that we are, 'nothing but a bundle or collection of different
perceptions, which succeed each other with inconceivable rapidity, and are in
perpetual flux and movement.'
This implies that we are not entities
that respond to events but a series of reactions. Our thoughts, emotions and
physical tensions are merely reactions to life.
There is a Tibetan parable that
compares us to a committee with a succession of individuals standing up and
claiming to be 'I'. Each thought, emotion, sensation tells us it is 'I' and
what to do, until shouted down by the next. We have innumerable 'I's. And this
dispersion runs our lives.
Education, religion, caste or
class systems and tradition create pressure-groups of 'I's. This process is
completely random and an enormous waste of energy.
Buddha said, 'That which is called a man is perpetual
transformation.' This equates with the
Biblical statement: 'Man's name is legion.'
As the Dhammapada puts it: 'Consider this body! A painted puppet with
jointed limbs, sometimes suffering and covered with ulcers, full of imaginings,
never permanent, ever changing.'
And Plutarch: '...each one of us is made up of ten thousand different and
successive states, a scrap-heap of units, a mob of individuals.'
There's no unity or 'self' behind
this process at all.
We're puppets.
This is the most objectionable
thing anyone can hear. But until we know we are marionettes we have no hope of
understanding anything.
Portrait of Mr Mediocre: He has the standard motivations — sex, status
and security. He is interested in physical comfort, enjoyment, the easy way
out. He does not want his opinions questioned, does not want to be disturbed. His
self-defence is a balancing-act called self-affirmation.
He's full of hopes, ambitions, dreams. Of opinions, resentments,
envy. Of vanity, negativity, rage. Of anxiety, lies and humbug. He has
thousands of false ideas and concepts, chiefly about himself, and nurtures his
self-pity which he loves.
He is selfish, competitive, possessive and wants to be 'seen of men'
— wants a bigger salary, a more impressive house, a smarter car. Not that what
he owns is the problem. (Possessions aren't the problem but the possessor.)
As he ages and suffers his quota of disappointments and defeats, he
becomes progressively more fearful and depressed because circumstances refuse
to grant him what he is certain he deserves.
This
self-satisfied sentimental hypocrite is readily insulted, soaks up flattery, justifies
himself in everything and sees all setbacks as personal affronts. Even a late train
or bad weather can make him irritable all day.
He is obsequious
to his boss, orders his family around at home but is meek with his mistress
whom he fears. He's pious in church but kicks the dog and is furious if
criticised. In short, he's a different person each moment and the slave of
every situation. He is born crying, lives complaining and dies disappointed.
Not that he's
'bad' or in any way unusual. He dresses well, wears a nice tie and is your
neighbour, husband or good friend. But a flash of anger or other negativity, or
an hour of daydreaming or physical tension can destroy all the energy he's
received from his previous night's sleep.
Perhaps you can remember a time when you were insulted, ignored,
rejected — a time when you felt the resentment of having your precious self
demeaned. Can you recall that emotional storm and how it left you drained?
Now scale that
down to the lifetime of minor irritations, disappointments, regrets and
smouldering antagonisms that siphon off the substance of your life.
A loud noise...
Overeating... A tense face... Everything takes your attention and fritters your
energy away.
Even reading this
is sapping your substance — life energy. It costs you something. Do you feel
that slight inner drain?
So, you are not
just completely inconsistent but leak energy like a sieve.
We believe we have
free will but say, 'I can't get that tune out of my head.' Or, 'How dare he
treat me like that?'
We say, 'I love
you.' But what in us can possibly love? Today's reaction loves. And in the next
half-hour or next breath, perhaps a flash of jealousy hates.
Although we
contradict ourselves in everything we do, the last thing we wish to hear is
that we're the pawn of everything inside and outside us.
As the practical psychologist, Ouspensky, said, 'Observe yourself very
closely and you will see that not you but it speaks within you,
moves, feels, laughs and cries in you, just as it rains, clears up and rains
again outside you. Everything happens in you.'
He goes on: 'If we begin to study ourselves we first of all come up
against one word which we use more than any other and that is the word 'I'. We
say, "I am doing", "I am sitting", "I feel",
"I like", "I dislike", and so on. This is our chief
illusion. For the principal mistake we make about ourselves is that we consider
ourselves one. We always speak about ourselves as "I" and we suppose
that we refer to the same thing all the time when we are actually divided into
hundreds and hundreds of different "I"'s. At one moment when I say
"I", one part of me is speaking, and at another moment when I say
"I", it is quite another "I" speaking. We do not know that
we have not one "I" but many different "I"s, connected with
our feelings and desires, and have no controlling "I". These
"I"s change all the time. One suppresses another, one replaces
another, and all this struggle makes up our inner life.'
You, in other words, are a function and not present to yourself at all.
What does this mean?
It means that you have never observed your inner dispersion for one
moment.
Worse.
It means you merely have a vague waking consciousness. You are never
truly 'here'. And it's not just you. Everyone around you exists in a state of
waking sleep. In this state, we can do nothing. It all happens. We don't love,
hate, desire. It happens. Wars. Revolutions. They all happen. All our deeds,
actions, words, thoughts, feelings, convictions, habits are the result of
external influences and impressions. So, everything goes in the only way it can
go.
It's as if we are hypnotized.
Zombies.
We sleepwalk through our lives.
We have said that nature is not our friend, but
still cherish the quixotic notion that we live in a
well-meaning world. We believe we
understand nature, forgetting that we are part of it. Can the part comprehend
the whole when it doesn’t even understand itself? We are symptoms, not the
cause.
Apparently, nature needs sleeping
people. There is an Eastern tale about a rich magician
who had a great many sheep. The sheep wandered into the forest or ran away
because they knew that the magician wanted their flesh and skins. So, the
magician hypnotised them — told them that they were immortal and would not be
harmed when they were skinned. That he loved them and if anything bad was to
happen to them, it wouldn't be that day. He told them they weren’t sheep at
all. He told some that they were eagles, lions or magicians. The sheep were
soothed and never strayed again. They waited obediently till he slaughtered
them.
We are sheep!
And need to be.
Otherwise the system doesn't work.
We are asleep. And everything, including the cosmos, conspires to
keeps us snoring. We are reactive, hoodwinked, helpless, conceited, posturing
mechanisms.
Slaves.
Used ─ then massacred by millions.
We know nothing. Can do nothing.
We are 'done'.
As individuals, we don't exist! Yet some of us have the temerity to
think that this bundle of exploding rat traps that we fondly label 'ourselves'
merits life after death or immortality!
How can something that is not stable for one second survive the
shock of death? And what would be the point?
As for fathoming the cosmos — forget it.
This book is now available on Buzzword.